Have you ever felt the need to just... sob? Like, all your problems will just melt away with a good cry? I feel like that now, but try as I might, there seems to be nothing that can get me to the point of sobbing. I've shed a few tears from movies and from sad stories, but other than that, my eyes are dry as a 13th Century well in the 21st Century. There are so many things running through my mind right now that have made me feel so completely depressed, mostly having to do with a certain dream I had last night.

I was walking to a mall, never seen this mall before, but it was like I'd been there before. As I was walking, I hear laughter behind me, I turn to find a guy who I really like, he's also a good friend, well he used to be. He's walking to the main entrance, same as I was, but he has his arm wrapped around some girl I've never seen before. I might have seen her, but in my dream they were too far off for me to really recognize her. Anyway, I just walk aimlessly around this mall, then I see him sitting by himself at the food court. He sees me and waves, I wave back and run up to him. I hug him, but he just pushes me away, like I'm some crazy person he's never met before in his life. I just stepped back and watched him, I could feel myself crying. And, he just turned his back on me and walked away.

I woke up feeling hopeless and depressed. It's been a long time since I've been this depressed. It's probably been more than 4 months since I actually talked to him in person, let alone heard any word from him at all. There is the occasional "we'll get together after my finals" or even just a hello, but every time he mentions getting together, I can just feel that he's forcing himself to say it. That I bother him and that he just hates the fact that he even met me.

I hate that dreams get to me like this. I really hope with everything I have that I'm just being paranoid. But, I don't know. I don't know anymore.

Heh, I got my sob in... I just don't feel any better like I thought I would.